Growing up in Cameroon
As you all are aware by now, I was born in Cameroon, West Africa. We immigrated to the United States after my father was given an opportunity to teach french in an elementary school in the Midwest. Growing up in a teacher’s home, my father did not play. We all know the saying, spare the rod and spoil the child. My dad didn’t spare any rod. When it was called for, you were disciplined. One thing was for sure in our home, my dad was the disciplinarian and my mom was the comforter. We were rarely disciplined by my mother but when she did, oh my goodness. My mom is very short but she has the quickest back hand I have ever seen.
So now I’m a parent and I have a child who has autism. Should I discipline him as my parents disciplined me? I knew what the word of God said in Proverbs 29:15. “To discipline a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child.” So the word of God calls us to discipline our children. But what does that look like in a special needs child? This is a very delicate topic and can bring division especially amongst married couples. I experienced this with my marriage when my husband took on the role of a disciplinarian. Because I knew Jayson had to be disciplined, I took on the role as comforter. I would try, key word “try” to get Jayson to understand that certain behaviors needed to be corrected. Most autism children struggle with the need for sensory stimuli or pressure needs. Jayson’s need for pressure meant he was constantly jumping off anything he could find. We had to balance between him getting his pressure needs met, but also keeping him safe. That’s where discipline came in. I truly believe that if it wasn’t for my husband discipling Jayson, his behaviors would be way more exaggerated today.
Please accept my sincerest regard in reference to this topic. I am well aware that there are some autisic children whose behaviors are very extreme. Whether your child exhibits mild or aggressive behaviors please make sure you reach out to your village of people including but not limited to, caregivers, family members, ABA therapist, psychiatrist, respite care providers and teachers. They can be used to learn strategies to help address certain behaviors with your child. So the question is, does a child with autism need to be disciplined? The answer is a
resounding YES. Discipline your child as best you can. Strategies that really helped me and Jayson include:
1. Reading the children’s bible to Jayson daily
2. Positive reinforcement when he displayed corrective behaviors
3. Empowering him to get involved in chores in the home
4. Constantly reiterating corrective behaviors
Discipline looks different in every home and your approach may be different than mine but one thing I am sure we can all agree on is that children need to know and understand boundaries. Boundaries lay the foundation of a lot of things our children are missing and if they don’t understand that boundaries need to exist between themselves and their parents, their teachers, strangers or even their older siblings, it is hard to re-teach/explain it later. Our children need daily structure. Every child needs to know that there are consequences to every behavior, whether good or bad. The earlier a child understands this, the quicker they can embrace discipline. I pray this blog opens up a discussion in your home and brings to you a better understanding of this topic.
Love you all,
God bless you