,Dear younger me

Where do I start?  I am writing you this letter as a woman in her forties who has been through a lot. Let me start by saying you are strong, you’re confident, you’re loved, and you’re blessed. The road ahead will be long but we serve a mighty God who will never leave you nor forsake you. You will give birth to two amazing, beautiful, spirit filled children of God. Your son will have some difficulties. He won’t meet certain milestones he should. Those delays you thought were just delays will be something more. He will be diagnosed with a condition that doesn’t have a blood test, doesn’t show up on a CT scan or an MRI, and doesn’t have a cure. Hold on tight because there will be a lot of appointments and a lot of specialists. There will be a lot of words you don’t understand; a lot of tests you will consent to not fully understanding what they are for but surely, I pray these doctors know what they are doing. Your emotions will be everywhere. You will feel like you have failed as a mother, that you did something to cause this, as if you are being punished, as if you are cursed. You will go through every stage of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance). Take a deep breath love….you got this! Your son was just diagnosed with autism. It’s ok. Day one of your journey is starting. Don’t lose faith your Heavenly Father sees you and is holding your hand right now. When you fall He will carry you. Remember, He is always there even when you don’t feel Him. I love you.

Sincerely,

Your more mature-wiser self!

I pray as I go through this series of letters to my younger self it helps those parents who are early in their journey and those that have been in the journey for a while but need some encouragement and reassurance that it will be OK. Take a breath. You are truly not alone.

Love you all.

God bless,

M.J.